The full question: ‘My boyfriend went to a party and lied about smoking and drinking on Valentine’s Day. What should I do?’

The answer:

I think the first thing you should do is call the Police and report his appalling misbehavior - it could be a misdemeanor, it might even be a felony.

After that you should stomp your feet, throw a temper tantrum, scream at the top of your voice and then mutilate yourself for even allowing him out of your sight on such an auspicious day.

Once you have reprimanded yourself for allowing him to be human with free will, and for behaving in the manner to which he is not accustomed or permitted, you should leash him to one of the bars in the cage you have for him in the basement.

Do you really have a boyfriend, or are you lying?

I got it - he’s deaf, dumb and blind with no sense of taste, smell or touch.

That’s the only person who would ever date you, right?

Bingo!

Guy Blews (aka. Dr. Smack) - www.SmackTherapy.com

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